Monday, October 6, 2008

Not a blind date, but...

I thought I'd share this "rant" I posted on Craigslist after volunteering at Oktoberfest on Friday.

Also, I have a date tonight, so stay tuned.

Also, my sister went on one of the worst blind dates in the history of the world. Details to come!

Rant:Oktoberfest - No you can’t have a free or discounted beer!

So last night I volunteered to pour beer at Oktoberfest. My friend and I were there with One Brick, which is a great organization, and also the beneficiary of the event. It was super fun, and it wasn’t too crowded (although I think it is going to be a madhouse today). We met a lot of nice people, and each got 5 tokens to use for beer or food, which was awesome.

However, while this event is a lot of fun, it’s also (partially) for CHARITY, and we were there to work. We weren’t getting paid to be here – we were there to help out, and we were given a bunch of rules at the start. We weren’t allowed to give free beer (even to other volunteers or people who worked the other shifts/days), take bribes, accept cash, serve people who were falling over, etc. In fact, a whole group of cheesy Marina guys got escorted out at the very beginning because they apparently were caught stealing tokens this year, and did the same thing last year. So sketchy! Again, I remind you, this was raising money for charity. Also, how cheap are you? Just buy your beer – seriously.

I can’t even count the number of people who tried to talk their way into free or discounted beer. Now, I know they were drunk, and some of them were amusing or only mildly annoying, but there were some really insistent jerks, and I was seriously not having it. I don’t care if I look friendly – I’m not gonna hook you up. “I only have 3 tokens – give me 2 large beers.” “Sorry, large beers are 6 so that’ll be 12 tokens.” “Just give them to me for 3! Come on.” “Sorry, not gonna happen.” “Fine, I’ll just go find someone else who will hook me up.” Good luck with that, buddy. Exhibit B: “But I worked here last night.” Me: “So then you know it’s for charity.”

It’s not like asking for a free beer is a huge deal. I mean, I can understand, especially when you’re drunk and having fun. It just started to get old really fast, especially from really sweaty (ew) drunk guys who totally expected we’d just hook them up. Come to think of it, not one girl tried to get anything for free or discounted. Thanks, girls!

So, here are a few notes for our most irritating customers:

To the guy from the earlier shift: No, you can’t have free beer since you worked earlier. Weren’t you at the orientation that said we couldn’t do that?

To the random drunk perv: No, we’re not going to take our shirts off for you. No, you are not amusing, and you shouldn’t have looked so shocked when we rolled our eyes at you and shooed you away.

To the guy from Berlin: No matter how many times you come back, 5 tokens is not going to get you a large beer, so quit the puppy dog eyes and pouty lips. Get your friends to give you one token. Or go buy more. Or look around on the ground for one. Or, just get a small beer. I think you’ll be ok.

To the cougar in the beer wench outfit who “works for Spaten”: I am not going to “take care of” drunken fratty Marina boy because you said to. You’re not the boss of me! Very nice of you to pour your beer into his glass, and then let him pour it back into yours, though. Sanitary! Also, you may have wanted to leave that outfit back in your 20/30s. I’m just sayin’.

To same drunken fratty Marina guy: sorry, we can’t take cash, but thanks for throwing that $20 in the tip jar! I’m not sure why you didn’t just go buy tokens with it, but we’ll take it!

To the guy who wants a top-up: No, you can’t have a replacement beer because yours got warm. Drink faster.

Despite some of these jerks, there were actually tons of nice, friendly, polite people at the event. Thanks to everyone who tipped (again, going to One Brick), had the right amount of coins and were just generally friendly and happy to be there. And good luck to the volunteers working today – I think you’re going to need it!