W. T. F.

I've obviously taken a bit of a break from online dating, but with the New Year, I decided to sign up for Match again. Sigh. I've got some good stories, but let's start with this ridiculous email.

Subject: Hummmmmmmmmmm.
Who is Donna Martin? Is that you? Where did you graduate from? UCLA? I graduated from UCLA. I will give you 20 bucks if you choose to email me back and actually type something to me. And, you also have to tell me something that I do not already know about you from your profile. And, as if this is not enough, you need to tell me something embarrasing. And, as if all of this were not enough, you cannot mention anything about my age or your age. And, as if this were not enough already (with all things considered), you need to pretend that you are really interested in me whether you are or not. And, as if I have not already totally gotten carried away, you also need to not let me know in the email or any of the following two emails that you may or may not choose to send me whether you really are interested in me or not. Yeah. And if you are wondering if this is just some demented game I am playing, I definitely will not answer that question because how could it not be?
So, lets see how money motivated and playful and daring you really are. It is the Internet we are talking about, so be careful.

Yours in health and life,

---I


Does this EVER work for him? Clearly not. In what world does this count as having a sense of humor? I would write back, but I don't need 20 dollars that badly. Actually, I do, but I don't even want to know what chain of events a response would set off.

Also, it's called Google. Try it. (FYI my "dating headline" is "Donna Martin Graduates!" You would be surprised at how much this perplexes guys."