My sister, K, is new to the online dating world. She recently broke up with her long-term boyfriend, and has decided to make an effort to put herself out there. She signed up for a free online dating site (the same one where my friend A met her new husband, actually. Congrats, A&E!), and started emailing with a few guys.
She made plans to meet up with one potential suitor, though she had her doubts. "He.... he bought a carbon credit," she said! Now, while that may sound like a good thing, to K, who is super environmentally active, and knows a TON about this kind of stuff, it was a near deal-breaker. I personally thought that was the best and most hilarious reason ever for not going going out with someone - he bought a carbon credit! Anyway, she decided to give it a shot, because as anyone who's ever been on a few blind dates will tell you, you never know.
However, she quickly learned that she should have trusted her instincts. The guy was not only unattractive, and looked nothing like his pictures, but he was missing teeth. Missing teeth! He was also a vegan (though this would be a deal-breaker for me, she's a vegetarian and cool with it. Me? I need to be able to cook chicken and steak for romantic dinners), and took her to a quote-unquote "vegan" restaurant. Well, it turns out it was just a "vegetarian" restaurant, and what he ordered, which he claimed he always got, had cheese in it. "I wasn't gonna be the one to tell him," K said. She did mention that she could never be a vegan, because of her love of ice cream and cheese, and the guy proceeded to spend several minutes telling her that the reason most people say that is because they put something in cheese that is akin to heroin to keep you addicted. As he's eating cheese, mind you.
The best part is that after the date, they walk out of the restaurant, and he says "this was fun." Her response? "Uh... yeah, I'll call you." An older African-American couple happened to be walking by at the time and the woman turned to the man and said, "She ain't gonna call him. Ain't no way she gonna call him."
Good call, lady.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Not a blind date, but...
I thought I'd share this "rant" I posted on Craigslist after volunteering at Oktoberfest on Friday.
Also, I have a date tonight, so stay tuned.
Also, my sister went on one of the worst blind dates in the history of the world. Details to come!
Rant:Oktoberfest - No you can’t have a free or discounted beer!
So last night I volunteered to pour beer at Oktoberfest. My friend and I were there with One Brick, which is a great organization, and also the beneficiary of the event. It was super fun, and it wasn’t too crowded (although I think it is going to be a madhouse today). We met a lot of nice people, and each got 5 tokens to use for beer or food, which was awesome.
However, while this event is a lot of fun, it’s also (partially) for CHARITY, and we were there to work. We weren’t getting paid to be here – we were there to help out, and we were given a bunch of rules at the start. We weren’t allowed to give free beer (even to other volunteers or people who worked the other shifts/days), take bribes, accept cash, serve people who were falling over, etc. In fact, a whole group of cheesy Marina guys got escorted out at the very beginning because they apparently were caught stealing tokens this year, and did the same thing last year. So sketchy! Again, I remind you, this was raising money for charity. Also, how cheap are you? Just buy your beer – seriously.
I can’t even count the number of people who tried to talk their way into free or discounted beer. Now, I know they were drunk, and some of them were amusing or only mildly annoying, but there were some really insistent jerks, and I was seriously not having it. I don’t care if I look friendly – I’m not gonna hook you up. “I only have 3 tokens – give me 2 large beers.” “Sorry, large beers are 6 so that’ll be 12 tokens.” “Just give them to me for 3! Come on.” “Sorry, not gonna happen.” “Fine, I’ll just go find someone else who will hook me up.” Good luck with that, buddy. Exhibit B: “But I worked here last night.” Me: “So then you know it’s for charity.”
It’s not like asking for a free beer is a huge deal. I mean, I can understand, especially when you’re drunk and having fun. It just started to get old really fast, especially from really sweaty (ew) drunk guys who totally expected we’d just hook them up. Come to think of it, not one girl tried to get anything for free or discounted. Thanks, girls!
So, here are a few notes for our most irritating customers:
To the guy from the earlier shift: No, you can’t have free beer since you worked earlier. Weren’t you at the orientation that said we couldn’t do that?
To the random drunk perv: No, we’re not going to take our shirts off for you. No, you are not amusing, and you shouldn’t have looked so shocked when we rolled our eyes at you and shooed you away.
To the guy from Berlin: No matter how many times you come back, 5 tokens is not going to get you a large beer, so quit the puppy dog eyes and pouty lips. Get your friends to give you one token. Or go buy more. Or look around on the ground for one. Or, just get a small beer. I think you’ll be ok.
To the cougar in the beer wench outfit who “works for Spaten”: I am not going to “take care of” drunken fratty Marina boy because you said to. You’re not the boss of me! Very nice of you to pour your beer into his glass, and then let him pour it back into yours, though. Sanitary! Also, you may have wanted to leave that outfit back in your 20/30s. I’m just sayin’.
To same drunken fratty Marina guy: sorry, we can’t take cash, but thanks for throwing that $20 in the tip jar! I’m not sure why you didn’t just go buy tokens with it, but we’ll take it!
To the guy who wants a top-up: No, you can’t have a replacement beer because yours got warm. Drink faster.
Despite some of these jerks, there were actually tons of nice, friendly, polite people at the event. Thanks to everyone who tipped (again, going to One Brick), had the right amount of coins and were just generally friendly and happy to be there. And good luck to the volunteers working today – I think you’re going to need it!
Also, I have a date tonight, so stay tuned.
Also, my sister went on one of the worst blind dates in the history of the world. Details to come!
Rant:Oktoberfest - No you can’t have a free or discounted beer!
So last night I volunteered to pour beer at Oktoberfest. My friend and I were there with One Brick, which is a great organization, and also the beneficiary of the event. It was super fun, and it wasn’t too crowded (although I think it is going to be a madhouse today). We met a lot of nice people, and each got 5 tokens to use for beer or food, which was awesome.
However, while this event is a lot of fun, it’s also (partially) for CHARITY, and we were there to work. We weren’t getting paid to be here – we were there to help out, and we were given a bunch of rules at the start. We weren’t allowed to give free beer (even to other volunteers or people who worked the other shifts/days), take bribes, accept cash, serve people who were falling over, etc. In fact, a whole group of cheesy Marina guys got escorted out at the very beginning because they apparently were caught stealing tokens this year, and did the same thing last year. So sketchy! Again, I remind you, this was raising money for charity. Also, how cheap are you? Just buy your beer – seriously.
I can’t even count the number of people who tried to talk their way into free or discounted beer. Now, I know they were drunk, and some of them were amusing or only mildly annoying, but there were some really insistent jerks, and I was seriously not having it. I don’t care if I look friendly – I’m not gonna hook you up. “I only have 3 tokens – give me 2 large beers.” “Sorry, large beers are 6 so that’ll be 12 tokens.” “Just give them to me for 3! Come on.” “Sorry, not gonna happen.” “Fine, I’ll just go find someone else who will hook me up.” Good luck with that, buddy. Exhibit B: “But I worked here last night.” Me: “So then you know it’s for charity.”
It’s not like asking for a free beer is a huge deal. I mean, I can understand, especially when you’re drunk and having fun. It just started to get old really fast, especially from really sweaty (ew) drunk guys who totally expected we’d just hook them up. Come to think of it, not one girl tried to get anything for free or discounted. Thanks, girls!
So, here are a few notes for our most irritating customers:
To the guy from the earlier shift: No, you can’t have free beer since you worked earlier. Weren’t you at the orientation that said we couldn’t do that?
To the random drunk perv: No, we’re not going to take our shirts off for you. No, you are not amusing, and you shouldn’t have looked so shocked when we rolled our eyes at you and shooed you away.
To the guy from Berlin: No matter how many times you come back, 5 tokens is not going to get you a large beer, so quit the puppy dog eyes and pouty lips. Get your friends to give you one token. Or go buy more. Or look around on the ground for one. Or, just get a small beer. I think you’ll be ok.
To the cougar in the beer wench outfit who “works for Spaten”: I am not going to “take care of” drunken fratty Marina boy because you said to. You’re not the boss of me! Very nice of you to pour your beer into his glass, and then let him pour it back into yours, though. Sanitary! Also, you may have wanted to leave that outfit back in your 20/30s. I’m just sayin’.
To same drunken fratty Marina guy: sorry, we can’t take cash, but thanks for throwing that $20 in the tip jar! I’m not sure why you didn’t just go buy tokens with it, but we’ll take it!
To the guy who wants a top-up: No, you can’t have a replacement beer because yours got warm. Drink faster.
Despite some of these jerks, there were actually tons of nice, friendly, polite people at the event. Thanks to everyone who tipped (again, going to One Brick), had the right amount of coins and were just generally friendly and happy to be there. And good luck to the volunteers working today – I think you’re going to need it!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Turkish Delight
The loveliest email I've gotten in awhile:
thanks for the respond.
you know what i am kind of new to area so can you give me directions to your place and i can come there i ll wake you up 4 am in the morning ( are you saying to late ok 3 am)
just kidding
lets get real
my name is M. i am half Crotian and half Turkish. what else do you want to know because i dont ask so many questions chating so may be we ll meet and we can talk about it who knows( are you sayin this weekend mmmmmmmm ok))))))))
take care
M
***
Mmmmmmmm no.
thanks for the respond.
you know what i am kind of new to area so can you give me directions to your place and i can come there i ll wake you up 4 am in the morning ( are you saying to late ok 3 am)
just kidding
lets get real
my name is M. i am half Crotian and half Turkish. what else do you want to know because i dont ask so many questions chating so may be we ll meet and we can talk about it who knows( are you sayin this weekend mmmmmmmm ok))))))))
take care
M
***
Mmmmmmmm no.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Girls' Night Out
I moved back to "The City" two years ago, and instantly reconnected with my friend from middle school, J. She introduced me to all her friends, and fully welcomed me into their social circle, which is just what a girl new to town (and living, at the time, with her parents) needs! Sadly, 2 of the girls moved away in the last year, and one is currently on a world tour (hi S!), but J and I are as close as ever, and I feel so lucky to know her again. She even made me an amazing 4-course meal for an early birthday celebration (she actually made two full on menus that I got to pre-order from - how lucky am I?). Friends are the best.
I've also been really lucky to reconnect with some friends from college lately. P, C and Be were in my sorority (yes, I was in sorority. Please don't judge! Actually, go ahead, if you'd like - I judge sorority girls all the time) and we starting emailing and have been getting together for dinners recently, which is so fun! We have a blast and laugh a ton. Last week P organized a get together to introduce her college friends to her friends from here, and it was a smashing success! I'm at the age where I feel like I can tell pretty instantly if I'm going to get along/be friends with someone, and I think this group just totally clicked! Sadly, C and Be couldn't make it, due to being sick (C) and going on her honeymoon (congrats, Be!!), but I brought my other friend, B, who I actually know from 5th grade - man, I really have reconnected with a lot of people! Is this getting confusing with all the initials? I'm going to have to give out some nicknames! Anyway, P's friend MK came, along with her friend Ka, and we had a blast at this really cute, but crowded wine bar.
The first hour or two we were just chatting away, getting to know each other and exchanging stories, but then when we moved inside, the real hilarity began. This beyond drunk guy approached us after standing next to us and trying to find an "in" for quite awhile, and promptly invited himself to some future event we were talking about. He also proceeded to repeatedly touch our backs, which, ew. I physically removed his hand from my back and said "no touching" and he decided then that he hated me - which was quite alright with me! Ka started discussing personal space in America vs. other countries, and Drunk Dude decided that she was "arrogant." Oh, we were laughing so hard. Then he went on to have a conversation with MK, and would periodically look over at me and say, "but I don't care what she thinks." Fine with me, buddy! They started talking about marathons (I'm running my first half marathon on Sunday - my birthday), and he asked MK her time, and announced that if they were to run together, he would naturally beat her, because men are biologically superior. Those may have not been his exact words, but that was the gist. He also told her she was "memserizing." Or maybe it was "mesermizing." Either way, P and I were practically peeing our pants at this point. So, so funny. He finally left, and his much nicer friend came over and we were joking with him - Drunk Dude was definitely getting a hard time about this the next day. And just when we thought we were rid of him... no such luck. He saunters back over and starts listing all of MK's great qualities (dude, you should BE so lucky), including, "and I can't see your body, but I bet if I could it would be great." Ha!! I really haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Apparently on the way out he stopped P & MK to tell them that they were cool, but they really needed nicer friends. Hahahaha.
Such a fun night, and I'm looking forward to our upcoming dessert-and-wine night in my 'hood!
I've also been really lucky to reconnect with some friends from college lately. P, C and Be were in my sorority (yes, I was in sorority. Please don't judge! Actually, go ahead, if you'd like - I judge sorority girls all the time) and we starting emailing and have been getting together for dinners recently, which is so fun! We have a blast and laugh a ton. Last week P organized a get together to introduce her college friends to her friends from here, and it was a smashing success! I'm at the age where I feel like I can tell pretty instantly if I'm going to get along/be friends with someone, and I think this group just totally clicked! Sadly, C and Be couldn't make it, due to being sick (C) and going on her honeymoon (congrats, Be!!), but I brought my other friend, B, who I actually know from 5th grade - man, I really have reconnected with a lot of people! Is this getting confusing with all the initials? I'm going to have to give out some nicknames! Anyway, P's friend MK came, along with her friend Ka, and we had a blast at this really cute, but crowded wine bar.
The first hour or two we were just chatting away, getting to know each other and exchanging stories, but then when we moved inside, the real hilarity began. This beyond drunk guy approached us after standing next to us and trying to find an "in" for quite awhile, and promptly invited himself to some future event we were talking about. He also proceeded to repeatedly touch our backs, which, ew. I physically removed his hand from my back and said "no touching" and he decided then that he hated me - which was quite alright with me! Ka started discussing personal space in America vs. other countries, and Drunk Dude decided that she was "arrogant." Oh, we were laughing so hard. Then he went on to have a conversation with MK, and would periodically look over at me and say, "but I don't care what she thinks." Fine with me, buddy! They started talking about marathons (I'm running my first half marathon on Sunday - my birthday), and he asked MK her time, and announced that if they were to run together, he would naturally beat her, because men are biologically superior. Those may have not been his exact words, but that was the gist. He also told her she was "memserizing." Or maybe it was "mesermizing." Either way, P and I were practically peeing our pants at this point. So, so funny. He finally left, and his much nicer friend came over and we were joking with him - Drunk Dude was definitely getting a hard time about this the next day. And just when we thought we were rid of him... no such luck. He saunters back over and starts listing all of MK's great qualities (dude, you should BE so lucky), including, "and I can't see your body, but I bet if I could it would be great." Ha!! I really haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Apparently on the way out he stopped P & MK to tell them that they were cool, but they really needed nicer friends. Hahahaha.
Such a fun night, and I'm looking forward to our upcoming dessert-and-wine night in my 'hood!
Inner Child of Awe and Wonderment
This is one of the funniest Match emails I've gotten lately. I don't think I can even improve upon it with comments, so here it is in it's entirety, with his name and personal info removed, of course.
We seem to share quite a few commonalities and idiosyncrasies. Let me start off by saying you might think that i come across as a bit obscure, or quite abstract. I'm just an intense, passionate, compassionate lad who's in touch with his inner child of awe and wonderment. With that said, i'm kind of suspended in a state of adolescence. Albeit, i don't act like a juvenile deliquent, yet i do have a wry sense of humour
I'm inquisitively artistic in many a way:: graphics, visuals, words, symbols, hidden meanings, codes, spirituality, theories, philosophies, space & time. Ohhhh yeah, i just happen to be i'm an avid sci-fi fan!
i'm only on a three free day trial period, so you'll have to get in touch with me outside of match
I def want to know what makes you tick & tock around the clock. If you are inclined to write back then here is my contact info :
aol s/name
yahoo s/n
email address at hot male
on the flipside........b
Actually, I lied. I can't resist a few comments. In touch with his inner child of awe and wonderment? A sci-fi fan with bad grammar? Too cheap to pay for a full membership? His email address is @ hot male? This is bad blind date comedy gold! It can't be real, right?
We seem to share quite a few commonalities and idiosyncrasies. Let me start off by saying you might think that i come across as a bit obscure, or quite abstract. I'm just an intense, passionate, compassionate lad who's in touch with his inner child of awe and wonderment. With that said, i'm kind of suspended in a state of adolescence. Albeit, i don't act like a juvenile deliquent, yet i do have a wry sense of humour
I'm inquisitively artistic in many a way:: graphics, visuals, words, symbols, hidden meanings, codes, spirituality, theories, philosophies, space & time. Ohhhh yeah, i just happen to be i'm an avid sci-fi fan!
i'm only on a three free day trial period, so you'll have to get in touch with me outside of match
I def want to know what makes you tick & tock around the clock. If you are inclined to write back then here is my contact info :
aol s/name
yahoo s/n
email address at hot male
on the flipside........b
Actually, I lied. I can't resist a few comments. In touch with his inner child of awe and wonderment? A sci-fi fan with bad grammar? Too cheap to pay for a full membership? His email address is @ hot male? This is bad blind date comedy gold! It can't be real, right?
You Have to Be Visible
I can't remember if I've mentioned this before, but my Grandma (who is AWESOME) has told me that to meet people, "you have to be visible." Seems like common sense, but it really is great advice - I'm not going to meet anyone sitting at home! I've realized about myself that I'm not the type to meet guys - ever! I never dated in high school, had one boyfriend in college, had one boyfriend after, and briefly dated a friend of friends earlier this year. But I'm not the type who is always dating, meeting guys out, etc. I make new friends pretty easily (hi new friends!), but I just never meet guys. Not sure why, but it is what it is. Or is it? Heh. So, listening to my (awesome!) Grandma's advice, I've been trying to get out of the house more. I work from home on Fridays, so I've occasionally been going down to a local coffee shop to work, and for awhile I was trying to get to Whole Foods at lunch to see if there were any cute working boys around. There have been a few cute guys at WF, but no one I've talked to or anything like that.
Just now, I needed to go grocery shopping, so I walked across the city to another Whole Foods that I'm not familiar with. I wore a new tight white t-shirt, cute jeans and pink sneakers and I even straightened my hair. ;) There was one guy who I think was trying to make eye contact with me, cause I kept running into him, but he never said anything. Anyway, I also bought some red dahlias, and couldn't fit them in the super cute Make It Right tote bag my sister got me for my birthday (it combines all my loves - celebrity gossip [it's Brad Pitt's organization], New Orleans [I volunteered there for a week last year, and look forward to going back], eco-friendliness and pink!). Ok, these brackets/parenthesis are getting out of control. Anyway. So, I was carrying my flowers, and boy did I get a lot of comments on the walk home. I got "nice flowers" several times, but the tone was a little more suggestive than that. One older and possibly drunk and/or crazy guy said, "you have a lovely [inaudible]." To be honest, it sounded like he said ass, but really, I don't think that's what he said. I hope not, at least! Anyway, it reminded me to post some of the best lines I've gotten since I moved to this neighborhood.
I live in a cute, trendy neighborhood that happens to be right next to the projects, and there are always lots of people hanging out outside. Generally they just say hi, or something like "you look very nice today," but sometimes I get a funny line. The other day I was going for a walk and was a few blocks away when this guy said,
"Hey neighbor."
I just smiled at him and kept walking, thinking, hey, how does he know I live around here? IS he my neighbor? Has he seen me before? Should I have said hi? Is that a common expression?
A few months ago after work I was walking across the street to get a pair of sunglasses at TJ Maxx. Whatever, they're cheap and I break them all the time anyway! This guy in an SUV (hate!) pulls over and says, "hey." I was going to keep walking, but then thought, ok, what if he needs directions? Of course he didn't need directions. He says,
"Um... I just think you're really hot."
Ew. I just rolled my eyes and walked away. He drove by again and gave me the rocker/hang loose sign with his tongue hanging out. Ew, again.
But I think my very favorite line was uttered shortly after I moved to this neighborhood. I was about a block from home, passing a bus stop, when this guy says,
"What's up snowflake?"
HA!
Clearly I need some self-tanner. ;)
What's the best or funniest pickup line you've gotten?
Just now, I needed to go grocery shopping, so I walked across the city to another Whole Foods that I'm not familiar with. I wore a new tight white t-shirt, cute jeans and pink sneakers and I even straightened my hair. ;) There was one guy who I think was trying to make eye contact with me, cause I kept running into him, but he never said anything. Anyway, I also bought some red dahlias, and couldn't fit them in the super cute Make It Right tote bag my sister got me for my birthday (it combines all my loves - celebrity gossip [it's Brad Pitt's organization], New Orleans [I volunteered there for a week last year, and look forward to going back], eco-friendliness and pink!). Ok, these brackets/parenthesis are getting out of control. Anyway. So, I was carrying my flowers, and boy did I get a lot of comments on the walk home. I got "nice flowers" several times, but the tone was a little more suggestive than that. One older and possibly drunk and/or crazy guy said, "you have a lovely [inaudible]." To be honest, it sounded like he said ass, but really, I don't think that's what he said. I hope not, at least! Anyway, it reminded me to post some of the best lines I've gotten since I moved to this neighborhood.
I live in a cute, trendy neighborhood that happens to be right next to the projects, and there are always lots of people hanging out outside. Generally they just say hi, or something like "you look very nice today," but sometimes I get a funny line. The other day I was going for a walk and was a few blocks away when this guy said,
"Hey neighbor."
I just smiled at him and kept walking, thinking, hey, how does he know I live around here? IS he my neighbor? Has he seen me before? Should I have said hi? Is that a common expression?
A few months ago after work I was walking across the street to get a pair of sunglasses at TJ Maxx. Whatever, they're cheap and I break them all the time anyway! This guy in an SUV (hate!) pulls over and says, "hey." I was going to keep walking, but then thought, ok, what if he needs directions? Of course he didn't need directions. He says,
"Um... I just think you're really hot."
Ew. I just rolled my eyes and walked away. He drove by again and gave me the rocker/hang loose sign with his tongue hanging out. Ew, again.
But I think my very favorite line was uttered shortly after I moved to this neighborhood. I was about a block from home, passing a bus stop, when this guy says,
"What's up snowflake?"
HA!
Clearly I need some self-tanner. ;)
What's the best or funniest pickup line you've gotten?
The Drought
Sorry for the lack of blog updates lately! Those of you who have done the online dating thing (is anyone I don't know reading this, actually?) know that it comes in waves - you talk to no one for awhile, then get a bunch of emails from guys with some potential, email with a few of them, end up meeting one or two. Changing your picture can help with this, so I just did that. I haven't been very active in actually searching my matches myself, so I'll need to do that sometime soon. I do have a few funny stories from a girls' night out, and some of my favorite pickup lines that I've been approached with recently - post coming soon. And I need to get my friend B to write a guest post on this horrible date she recently went on (to start, the guy was eating sushi with his fingers, smacking his lips and licking his fingers. Ewww).
In the last few months, I have gone out with a handful of guys, though. To summarize
*The guy who managed a Peets, and winked at me. Yes, winked.
*The fun (probably too fun for me - way into kickball and Bay to Breakers) guy with potential who I was trying to talk myself into, who disappeared after 2 dates (kind of a relief, to be honest)
*The surprisingly cute and less-weird-than-I-expected firefighter who was definitely not feeling it
Oh, and there was the guy who I was supposed to meet up with, then went to Vegas, never to be heard from again. But he went to Vegas for 5 days and drove an SUV, so I think I dodged a bullet there. Don't know why I ever considered that one!
More coming soon!
In the last few months, I have gone out with a handful of guys, though. To summarize
*The guy who managed a Peets, and winked at me. Yes, winked.
*The fun (probably too fun for me - way into kickball and Bay to Breakers) guy with potential who I was trying to talk myself into, who disappeared after 2 dates (kind of a relief, to be honest)
*The surprisingly cute and less-weird-than-I-expected firefighter who was definitely not feeling it
Oh, and there was the guy who I was supposed to meet up with, then went to Vegas, never to be heard from again. But he went to Vegas for 5 days and drove an SUV, so I think I dodged a bullet there. Don't know why I ever considered that one!
More coming soon!
Friday, May 30, 2008
I'll Make This Easy for You...
Talked to a guy from JDate on the phone last night (D). He was very nice, and earnest, and rambles even more than me! We chatted for a bit, then agreed to meet on the corner of X&Y street Saturday afternoon at 2:30. I originally suggested 2, but he had lunch plans, and said he didn't mean to be difficult, but would 2:30 work, because he hated to be late. Then we got into a discussion about how we're both always early to stuff, and he said the last time he flew back from a business trip he was so early he got bumped from a 6 p.m. to a 4:30 p.m. flight. Nice! I thought that was pretty funny in light of my thoughts on Z getting to the airport. Anyway, so he suggested meeting on the corner, and I teased, "well, is there a particular spot you want to meet at, because, you know, there are four corners." He said, "I can make this easy for you in one of two ways. 1) We meet in front of Jamba Juice." "Sounds good," I interjected, but he continued, "Or 2) I'll be the guy with one arm."
My heart dropped. Not sure what to say next, I paused.
"My other arm is in a sling." Turns out he'd injured himself trail running recently. Whew! Scared me. So, we'll see how it goes! Either I'll have a good story, or I'll feel guilty for having posted about a guy I actually like.
Also on deck: a cute and intriguing photojournalist, and a guy in a band.
My heart dropped. Not sure what to say next, I paused.
"My other arm is in a sling." Turns out he'd injured himself trail running recently. Whew! Scared me. So, we'll see how it goes! Either I'll have a good story, or I'll feel guilty for having posted about a guy I actually like.
Also on deck: a cute and intriguing photojournalist, and a guy in a band.
Drunk I Love You's
Latest email I got on Match:
Hey,
How are you? What is your name? Do you believe in drunk "I love you's"? Just was wondering because some one I knew told this to a friend (girl) and she believed it. I think this is not being true and I'm really disappointed that the girl believed him.
Anywho, I moved to SF last year from [blah blah blah neurological diseases]. What do you do? How long have you been in SF? I very VERY much like this city. There is so much to do!!
Would you like to meet up for drinks this weekend?
Just let me know!
Um, WHAT? Do you believe in drunk I love you's? Nope, but you make me believe in the Delete button on my email. Drinks this weekend? Tempting, but I'm gonna have to go with "no."
Hey,
How are you? What is your name? Do you believe in drunk "I love you's"? Just was wondering because some one I knew told this to a friend (girl) and she believed it. I think this is not being true and I'm really disappointed that the girl believed him.
Anywho, I moved to SF last year from [blah blah blah neurological diseases]. What do you do? How long have you been in SF? I very VERY much like this city. There is so much to do!!
Would you like to meet up for drinks this weekend?
Just let me know!
Um, WHAT? Do you believe in drunk I love you's? Nope, but you make me believe in the Delete button on my email. Drinks this weekend? Tempting, but I'm gonna have to go with "no."
Monday, May 12, 2008
Hey Sweety
More totally impersonal emails! Hurray!
Got this one over the weekend:
Subject: Hey sweety
I loved your profile, you came across like a Rock star :) with awesome style
A little bit classy and a little bit fun, nice to see that you girls are still out there K: oh and did i mention I'm totally awesome? Me: and, yet, too cheap to pay for a full membership K: yeah but seriously you will totally love them so it doesn't matter Me: obviously! K: and they are so awesome their tiny profile pic on their myspace page will be enough Me: lol right! K: seriously...he won't pay for a memebership and his myspace is private. wtf? Me: but he is AWESOME, dont forget K: that's right sweetie Me: i mean, if i met him in a bar, we'd be friends by the end of the night K: oh i'm sure you would...not to mention if i was with you i would love him too! Janet: well, for sure! K: yeah just a little bit Janet: you'd probably leave [R, her husband] for him, and we'd fight over him K: and that all comes back to him being just being his awseome vintage self Janet: lol! K: lol yeah! Janet: ha, i think i should post this conversation on my blog K: seriously!
So I did. :)
Got this one over the weekend:
I loved your profile, you came across like a Rock star :) with awesome style
A little bit classy and a little bit fun, nice to see that you girls are still out there
I never thought that I would do something like this but I guess its just the quality of people that I have been meeting lately, have been missing that
something specail....that spark*
Okay so a bit about me
I'm confident and dress well
Love any kind of live live theater and jazz, well just live music in
general, I'm an old soul kind of guy, vintage taste,
The kind of person to walk up to a group of people I've never met before and be everyones friend by the end of the night
I've always been a fan of women with something to say, and you totally sound like you got a library full of interesting comments
since I'm only doing the three days trial thing I decided not to post a pic, but if you've gotten this far and want to see what I look like here is my myspace link
it's set to private (I perform in the city a lot when I'm not in school, the setting helps keep the weird o's at bay:) but if you like what you see in the title pic and dont have myspace I'd be happy to send you a few more
either way have a rad weekend :)
Conversation over IM with my friend K re: this email:
something specail....that spark*
Okay so a bit about me
I'm confident and dress well
Love any kind of live live theater and jazz, well just live music in
general, I'm an old soul kind of guy, vintage taste,
The kind of person to walk up to a group of people I've never met before and be everyones friend by the end of the night
I've always been a fan of women with something to say, and you totally sound like you got a library full of interesting comments
since I'm only doing the three days trial thing I decided not to post a pic, but if you've gotten this far and want to see what I look like here is my myspace link
it's set to private (I perform in the city a lot when I'm not in school, the setting helps keep the weird o's at bay:) but if you like what you see in the title pic and dont have myspace I'd be happy to send you a few more
either way have a rad weekend :)
Conversation over IM with my friend K re: this email:
Me: oh and it was titled Hey sweety. EW!
eh..i hate guys like that!
;)
god so many of these guys have really square heads
haha
obviously his email woudl be enough to win me
and you know, i seem "a lttle bit fun"
because he wears really cool hats and has vintage style
So I did. :)
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Another Choice Email
Gotta love the personal effort some of these guys make.
Hey Cutie! My name is Brett and after reading your brief essays, profile and seeing your pics you are definitely someone I would like to get to know. I like that you are intelligent, independent and secure with yourself.
To summarize everything about me; I am arrogant, overbearing, obsessive and I have no idea how to balance my personal and professional life, so when do you want to meet (just kidding) : )
I am sure we both agree that looks and physique are important as well. On that note, take a look at my profile and let me know your thoughts...
Cheers,
B
Could you BE any more generic (/Chandler)? Love that last line about looks and physique being important. I'm not going to check out his profile, because I already know enough about his PERSONALITY.
Hey Cutie! My name is Brett and after reading your brief essays, profile and seeing your pics you are definitely someone I would like to get to know. I like that you are intelligent, independent and secure with yourself.
To summarize everything about me; I am arrogant, overbearing, obsessive and I have no idea how to balance my personal and professional life, so when do you want to meet (just kidding) : )
I am sure we both agree that looks and physique are important as well. On that note, take a look at my profile and let me know your thoughts...
Cheers,
B
Could you BE any more generic (/Chandler)? Love that last line about looks and physique being important. I'm not going to check out his profile, because I already know enough about his PERSONALITY.
Or Not
Emailed the guy from the last post, and never heard back. Oh well - honestly I could have gone either way and kind of thought he'd be better off with a more hipster-type girl.
Just re-signed up for Match after letting that membership lapse. Hopefully I'll have some good dates, or some good material. Here's my favorite email so far:
Well here is my story.....I'm moving to NorCal in May I'm from Redondo Beach Ca, moved to Phoenix 4 yrs ago and decided that Arizona is not for me. I'm athletic, handsome very fit love to play Hockey, softball and go to the gym(I want to be huge).....LOL.... I'm 42 but nobody ever thinks I'm that old....Lucky I guess(have my mother's skin) I always get "What are you 32-33" I have a great sense of humor and I'm very outgoing!!!!!!!! I love kids, animals (never had my own but have helped raise 2 boys)...Never married but not because I'm afraid of commitment got close twice(will explain if you must know) I'm loyal honest, and very REAL!!!!!!!!! try and find that on this site...lol....I have two dogs that are my kids I guess, Shitzu's...YES SHITZU's...and I'm all man...hehehe....Well thats a little about me, Oh forgot, I get along great with other peoples parents...lol....So yes you can introduce me to your family!!!!!!! So if you like bald guys that are fit, funny, sexy and look like Vin Diesel or Daughrty..hehehe...then I hope to hear from you!!!!!!
Not a chance, buddy. But good luck "getting huge!" I'm sure there's a girl out there who likes 42-year-old guys who are afraid of commitment and have to tell you how handsome they are, but I am certainly not her.
Just re-signed up for Match after letting that membership lapse. Hopefully I'll have some good dates, or some good material. Here's my favorite email so far:
Well here is my story.....I'm moving to NorCal in May I'm from Redondo Beach Ca, moved to Phoenix 4 yrs ago and decided that Arizona is not for me. I'm athletic, handsome very fit love to play Hockey, softball and go to the gym(I want to be huge).....LOL.... I'm 42 but nobody ever thinks I'm that old....Lucky I guess(have my mother's skin) I always get "What are you 32-33" I have a great sense of humor and I'm very outgoing!!!!!!!! I love kids, animals (never had my own but have helped raise 2 boys)...Never married but not because I'm afraid of commitment got close twice(will explain if you must know) I'm loyal honest, and very REAL!!!!!!!!! try and find that on this site...lol....I have two dogs that are my kids I guess, Shitzu's...YES SHITZU's...and I'm all man...hehehe....Well thats a little about me, Oh forgot, I get along great with other peoples parents...lol....So yes you can introduce me to your family!!!!!!! So if you like bald guys that are fit, funny, sexy and look like Vin Diesel or Daughrty..hehehe...then I hope to hear from you!!!!!!
Not a chance, buddy. But good luck "getting huge!" I'm sure there's a girl out there who likes 42-year-old guys who are afraid of commitment and have to tell you how handsome they are, but I am certainly not her.
Friday, April 25, 2008
A Good Date?
Just a teaser until I get around to writing a real post, but I had a pretty good date Thursday night and just got an email from him! Kind of makes up for the awkward breakfast date I had this morning (with another guy - I just realized that could sound kind of bad if I didn't clarify!). To be continued soon...
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Three Strikes And You're Out
Ok, so I decided I wasn't going to contact Z, but I'd see what he had to say if he emailed or called. But in my mind, the date was off. On Monday, I get this email from him:
Well the good news is I won't have to feel envious tonight watching on TV a bunch a drunk and rambunctious college students in Westwood or Chapel Hill having a good time and destroying property. Of course, I may see this happening in Memphis or Kansas, but that won't elicit the same feelings.
Hope you felt refreshed Saturday morning after not meeting up with me!
Z
I write back:
Yeah, it was such a bummer about the game. :(
Um, did you call me at 2 am on Saturday?
Obviously, I'm just over it at this point. I mean, really. His response:
I write back:
Yeah, it was such a bummer about the game. :(
Um, did you call me at 2 am on Saturday?
Obviously, I'm just over it at this point. I mean, really. His response:
Yeah, i must have. sorry about that. were you awake or asleep? i have a new phone and i forgot to lock my keypad, so some of the buttons got pressed while I was driving. I still haven't put a lot of phone numbers in the phonebook, and your number is one of them, which is probably why you had the fortune of getting an unintended 2am phone call. Lucky you!
did you hear anything in the background? like people talking? I don't think i said anything too incriminating.
My friends love the fact that he's like, oh yeah, sorry about that, and seems to be more concerned with the fact that I might have heard something incriminating! Ha. I didn't write back, but decided if he called or emailed, I'd go out with him... just for material for the blog! Wednesday night, I get this email:
Hey Janet-
So if you're still down, I definitely want to meet up. My flight leaves out of SFO 10:40, so I can leave at 9:30 to get to the airport at 10pm.
Do you want to meet at the [cute wine bar] at 7:30, drink some wine, eat some tapas, and then I can make a mad dash for BART?
email me at wok after tonight-
I had to resist the urge to make some kind of wok joke. Dude. Proofread. Also, side note: do I really want to date someone who leaves that little time to get to the airport? That is so not me. Anyway, I wrote back that 7:30 sounded good, and he said he'd see me there. I left work at a decent time, skipped the gym (though I might not have gone anyway, as I was exhausted from a run this morning and an awesome kickboxing class Wed night!), came home and ate a few little snacks to tide me over, because I know this wine bar only has cheese and no real tapas. I'm totally exhausted, but trying to rally. I start straightening my hair when my phone rings. You've got to be kidding me, I think. No voice mail for quite awhile, but finally one pops through. You can see where this is going. Long, rambling message about how his flight was cancelled, and they put him on at 8:30 flight, so he had to cancel. He said to call him and let him know that I got the message, that he hoped it didn't mess up my plans (uh, duh) and that he'd call me when he gets back. No, thank you! That is so his 3rd strike. I honestly almost wanted to say, dude, I was only going out with you at this point to make fun of you on my blog. I'm relieved, once again, to not go out with him, because I'm exhausted and now I can stay in, but seriously. What a tool. I'm not even mad, just like, really, dude? No wonder you're single (though obviously I'm single, too, but that's totally different, ha). What girl would really still want to go out with him after all this? The only thing I'm annoyed about is that I flat-ironed my hair and ate a few snacks, so I'm in that weird in-between do I eat dinner, do I not eat dinner state! What a waste. Would it be too bitchy to text him, "got your message. don't worry about rescheduling." Ah, what do I care if it's too bitchy? ;)
My friends love the fact that he's like, oh yeah, sorry about that, and seems to be more concerned with the fact that I might have heard something incriminating! Ha. I didn't write back, but decided if he called or emailed, I'd go out with him... just for material for the blog! Wednesday night, I get this email:
Hey Janet-
So if you're still down, I definitely want to meet up. My flight leaves out of SFO 10:40, so I can leave at 9:30 to get to the airport at 10pm.
Do you want to meet at the [cute wine bar] at 7:30, drink some wine, eat some tapas, and then I can make a mad dash for BART?
email me at wok after tonight-
I had to resist the urge to make some kind of wok joke. Dude. Proofread. Also, side note: do I really want to date someone who leaves that little time to get to the airport? That is so not me. Anyway, I wrote back that 7:30 sounded good, and he said he'd see me there. I left work at a decent time, skipped the gym (though I might not have gone anyway, as I was exhausted from a run this morning and an awesome kickboxing class Wed night!), came home and ate a few little snacks to tide me over, because I know this wine bar only has cheese and no real tapas. I'm totally exhausted, but trying to rally. I start straightening my hair when my phone rings. You've got to be kidding me, I think. No voice mail for quite awhile, but finally one pops through. You can see where this is going. Long, rambling message about how his flight was cancelled, and they put him on at 8:30 flight, so he had to cancel. He said to call him and let him know that I got the message, that he hoped it didn't mess up my plans (uh, duh) and that he'd call me when he gets back. No, thank you! That is so his 3rd strike. I honestly almost wanted to say, dude, I was only going out with you at this point to make fun of you on my blog. I'm relieved, once again, to not go out with him, because I'm exhausted and now I can stay in, but seriously. What a tool. I'm not even mad, just like, really, dude? No wonder you're single (though obviously I'm single, too, but that's totally different, ha). What girl would really still want to go out with him after all this? The only thing I'm annoyed about is that I flat-ironed my hair and ate a few snacks, so I'm in that weird in-between do I eat dinner, do I not eat dinner state! What a waste. Would it be too bitchy to text him, "got your message. don't worry about rescheduling." Ah, what do I care if it's too bitchy? ;)
Sunday, April 6, 2008
On Second Thought...
Maybe I should have been bitchy.
Z called me last night. Twice. At 2:03 and 2:04 am. No message. Yeah, not sure I'm going to be going on that date with him this week. I was hoping it was going to be P (they have the same non-SF area code), so I could laugh and be like, yeah, I was right about that one. Oh, well! I have a date with "M" tonight, so think good thoughts for me!
Z called me last night. Twice. At 2:03 and 2:04 am. No message. Yeah, not sure I'm going to be going on that date with him this week. I was hoping it was going to be P (they have the same non-SF area code), so I could laugh and be like, yeah, I was right about that one. Oh, well! I have a date with "M" tonight, so think good thoughts for me!
Friday, April 4, 2008
A's Crappy Date
Ok, so this isn't strictly a blind date, but it's a great story. My good friend A, who I've known since I was 19 and she was 18 (whoa, does time fly!) sent me this gem.
"i went out with a guy for a re-try date after a year had passed and i had originally broken things off with him. we were walking on the beach and a seagull laid a massive turd on my head. it was gross with pieces of seaweed and algae in it and he had to help me wash it out in the venice beach bathroom sinks which were also real nasty. i was mortified! i never heard back from him after that. but all he kept saying after it happened was that it is supposed to be good luck to have a bird poop on your head."
Tres embarrassing! Thankfully, her luck in love has significantly improved and she is now engaged to a great guy, who she met online no less! They're getting "Maui'd" this August - yay for an online success story!
"i went out with a guy for a re-try date after a year had passed and i had originally broken things off with him. we were walking on the beach and a seagull laid a massive turd on my head. it was gross with pieces of seaweed and algae in it and he had to help me wash it out in the venice beach bathroom sinks which were also real nasty. i was mortified! i never heard back from him after that. but all he kept saying after it happened was that it is supposed to be good luck to have a bird poop on your head."
Tres embarrassing! Thankfully, her luck in love has significantly improved and she is now engaged to a great guy, who she met online no less! They're getting "Maui'd" this August - yay for an online success story!
I Could Be Bitchy About This Or...
Had a date scheduled for tonight with Z (gee, can you possibly guess what his real name is?) at 9pm. Well, originally it was 8pm, but he emailed last night and asked if we could move it to 9, since he had to work late. On a Friday? Sucks for him, but it was fine with me, since he lives in the East Bay, but was totally willing to come out to SF and seemed really flexible about where to meet. I offered to do some research since he doesn't live in town, and after an email exchange this afternoon, I sent another one at 2:15 throwing out a few places to meet. Never heard back, but I expected I'd get a call from him to figure out where we were gonna meet.
8 rolls around. No call, no email.
Finally, at 8:37, I get this email:
"well, this is problematic.... I dont have your cell phone number! It didn't occur to me to write it down before I left work and I cant access my work email account... so... call me if you get this email in time!"
I debated responding, but decided to hold off for a bit. It was like 20 minutes before we were supposed to meet, so I very well could have made other plans. Obviously I hadn't, because to be honest, I'm exhausted and was actually excited to hang around the house, finish making cookies for a party tomorrow, and get to bed early so I could work out in the morning! Exciting Friday night, huh? I actually love staying in, though.
At 9:11, I get this email from him:
sorry if there was miscommunication. I didnt have time to reply to the last message you sent to my work email address, and we didnt have concrete plans, so i've just been waiting for you to call or email me because I was too stupid to write down your cell # before i left work. I'm going to ny again for 4 days next thurs-tuesday so hpefully we can hang out before then!
Note: he clearly doesn't proofread.
I debated whether I should email him tonight or in the morning, but I decided, you know what, I'm just gonna call him. So I did, at 9:38. Got voice mail. I said, nicely, hey, just got your emails, now you have my number.
Ok, I was going to originally say that I was debating emailing back and saying "well, I thought our plans were concrete to meet at 9, but I guess you just mean since we didn't pick a place." But then I thought, what good is going to come out of being bitchy or having the last word? Which is why I decided to call instead of email. He just called back. He was nice. Very enthusiastic, and seems to almost slip into a Southern Accent occasionally (he's from LA but went to grad school in the South, and I think he was born there). We rescheduled for this coming Thursday - he's got a red-eye later that night, so the date won't be too long, which is good. I like having an out... even if it's a good date. Details to come!
8 rolls around. No call, no email.
Finally, at 8:37, I get this email:
"well, this is problematic.... I dont have your cell phone number! It didn't occur to me to write it down before I left work and I cant access my work email account... so... call me if you get this email in time!"
I debated responding, but decided to hold off for a bit. It was like 20 minutes before we were supposed to meet, so I very well could have made other plans. Obviously I hadn't, because to be honest, I'm exhausted and was actually excited to hang around the house, finish making cookies for a party tomorrow, and get to bed early so I could work out in the morning! Exciting Friday night, huh? I actually love staying in, though.
At 9:11, I get this email from him:
sorry if there was miscommunication. I didnt have time to reply to the last message you sent to my work email address, and we didnt have concrete plans, so i've just been waiting for you to call or email me because I was too stupid to write down your cell # before i left work. I'm going to ny again for 4 days next thurs-tuesday so hpefully we can hang out before then!
Note: he clearly doesn't proofread.
I debated whether I should email him tonight or in the morning, but I decided, you know what, I'm just gonna call him. So I did, at 9:38. Got voice mail. I said, nicely, hey, just got your emails, now you have my number.
Ok, I was going to originally say that I was debating emailing back and saying "well, I thought our plans were concrete to meet at 9, but I guess you just mean since we didn't pick a place." But then I thought, what good is going to come out of being bitchy or having the last word? Which is why I decided to call instead of email. He just called back. He was nice. Very enthusiastic, and seems to almost slip into a Southern Accent occasionally (he's from LA but went to grad school in the South, and I think he was born there). We rescheduled for this coming Thursday - he's got a red-eye later that night, so the date won't be too long, which is good. I like having an out... even if it's a good date. Details to come!
The Date That Never Happened
This one (we'll call him Y. Why? Because I like you) was from Match, and though I don't think he realized it, we had chatted the last time I was signed up on the site, about a year before. I started over with a new user name and pictures, so I don't know if he noticed. I can't remember why we didn't meet up that time, but I think it might have had to do with the fact that he lived pretty far south of where I did, though by now he had moved up to the City.
So, we emailed back and forth a few times, and then my subscription expired, and I hadn't gotten his last email. I had actually tried to renew my membership, but the Match sign-up form wouldn't work for a few days there (good work, guys!), so I gave up. He actually managed to find me on Facebook and contact me there - a little weird, maybe, but I didn't think it was too big of a deal. I finally gave him my number and he called me earlier this week.
From the beginning of the conversation, I could tell I was going to be annoyed with him, but I was really trying to keep an open mind! At the advice of my good friend D (one of my only male friends!), I've been trying to have the attitude that I should meet or go on a second date with anyone who isn't an absolute, total "no" from the beginning. Y's voice was a bit nasally, but hey, it's just the phone and you never know what someone will be like in person. The conversation was decent at first - he was debating going to bed at 9:30, which I said was a luxury and he thought was too nerdy, and I was talking about my day and how it had involved a lot of TiVo and Scrabulous. He says, "ok, two questions. First, how are you at Scrabulous?" "Not that good, but I'm getting better," I say, explaining that I hadn't really played Scrabble before, and that the logistics of figuring out the best possible word combination wasn't my best skill. "How are you?" I asked, and he says, "I'm really good." Just the way he said it... I can't really explain it. I'm silent, and he stammers to fill the space. "Well... I mean, I just know a lot of random words! Like I laid down [random ass word A] and [random word B] today." "You thought going to bed at 9:30 was too nerdy, and now you're trying to impress me with your Scrabulous words?" I tease. At one point I tell him, "you can't see me right now, but I'm rolling my eyes at you." But at this point it's playful teasing, and all in good fun.
Then, somehow, we start talking about musical theater. Don't ask me how - you know when you're kind of nervous and just talking about whatever pops into your head, you sometimes take a step back, and go, what the heck am I talking about? Ah, I'll just go with it. Totally one of those moments. I start saying how the musical theater personality is so not my thing and he is agreeing with me until I say that it's cheesy. "Well, I wouldn't say that, since I've done quite a bit of musical theater in the past," he says.
Deal broken. I cannot go out with a guy who has done musical theater.
But, heeding D's advice, I decide to still give it a chance. Why not? There's nothing to lose, besides being a little annoyed. Y asks where I live, and I tell him my cross streets. "F&W, as in the center of violent crime in SF?" he asks. "Um, not really," I say. "No really," he insists, "I always hear gunfire there! And my car always gets broken into when I park over there." Then don't leave stuff in your car, dumbass, I think, but don't say. "Well, I have underground parking and I feel pretty safe here!" "No, really, look it up on the SFPD website! You can track crime in SF and see what kinds occur on your block." Great, sounds really temping.
I attempt to change the subject, but finally just say, as lightheartedly as possible, "well, ok, now that we've both equally offended each other about our musical theater backgrounds and violent neighborhoods, should we just meet in person?" "Did I really offend you," he asks, incredulous. No, I think, who doesn't love hearing about how violent and sketchy their neighborhood is?! Especially from someone who lives about SIX blocks away. "Maybe a little," I say, "but no big deal." I agree to email him to arrange a time to meet up that upcoming weekend. I spend part of the next day trying to convince myself that I should still go out with him, but you know what? I'm not going to. I know myself, and I'm going to be annoyed, so I really don't think it's worth it. He did email me the next day and apologize for offending me, but I haven't written back. I know that's rude and a total cop-out (and feel free to comment if you think I owe him an email), but I guess I don't see the point. What do you all think?
So, we emailed back and forth a few times, and then my subscription expired, and I hadn't gotten his last email. I had actually tried to renew my membership, but the Match sign-up form wouldn't work for a few days there (good work, guys!), so I gave up. He actually managed to find me on Facebook and contact me there - a little weird, maybe, but I didn't think it was too big of a deal. I finally gave him my number and he called me earlier this week.
From the beginning of the conversation, I could tell I was going to be annoyed with him, but I was really trying to keep an open mind! At the advice of my good friend D (one of my only male friends!), I've been trying to have the attitude that I should meet or go on a second date with anyone who isn't an absolute, total "no" from the beginning. Y's voice was a bit nasally, but hey, it's just the phone and you never know what someone will be like in person. The conversation was decent at first - he was debating going to bed at 9:30, which I said was a luxury and he thought was too nerdy, and I was talking about my day and how it had involved a lot of TiVo and Scrabulous. He says, "ok, two questions. First, how are you at Scrabulous?" "Not that good, but I'm getting better," I say, explaining that I hadn't really played Scrabble before, and that the logistics of figuring out the best possible word combination wasn't my best skill. "How are you?" I asked, and he says, "I'm really good." Just the way he said it... I can't really explain it. I'm silent, and he stammers to fill the space. "Well... I mean, I just know a lot of random words! Like I laid down [random ass word A] and [random word B] today." "You thought going to bed at 9:30 was too nerdy, and now you're trying to impress me with your Scrabulous words?" I tease. At one point I tell him, "you can't see me right now, but I'm rolling my eyes at you." But at this point it's playful teasing, and all in good fun.
Then, somehow, we start talking about musical theater. Don't ask me how - you know when you're kind of nervous and just talking about whatever pops into your head, you sometimes take a step back, and go, what the heck am I talking about? Ah, I'll just go with it. Totally one of those moments. I start saying how the musical theater personality is so not my thing and he is agreeing with me until I say that it's cheesy. "Well, I wouldn't say that, since I've done quite a bit of musical theater in the past," he says.
Deal broken. I cannot go out with a guy who has done musical theater.
But, heeding D's advice, I decide to still give it a chance. Why not? There's nothing to lose, besides being a little annoyed. Y asks where I live, and I tell him my cross streets. "F&W, as in the center of violent crime in SF?" he asks. "Um, not really," I say. "No really," he insists, "I always hear gunfire there! And my car always gets broken into when I park over there." Then don't leave stuff in your car, dumbass, I think, but don't say. "Well, I have underground parking and I feel pretty safe here!" "No, really, look it up on the SFPD website! You can track crime in SF and see what kinds occur on your block." Great, sounds really temping.
I attempt to change the subject, but finally just say, as lightheartedly as possible, "well, ok, now that we've both equally offended each other about our musical theater backgrounds and violent neighborhoods, should we just meet in person?" "Did I really offend you," he asks, incredulous. No, I think, who doesn't love hearing about how violent and sketchy their neighborhood is?! Especially from someone who lives about SIX blocks away. "Maybe a little," I say, "but no big deal." I agree to email him to arrange a time to meet up that upcoming weekend. I spend part of the next day trying to convince myself that I should still go out with him, but you know what? I'm not going to. I know myself, and I'm going to be annoyed, so I really don't think it's worth it. He did email me the next day and apologize for offending me, but I haven't written back. I know that's rude and a total cop-out (and feel free to comment if you think I owe him an email), but I guess I don't see the point. What do you all think?
How Not to JDate
Last night I went out with a guy I'll call P. We met on JDate, exchanged a few funny emails, and had a good phone conversation. He offered to come to my neighborhood to meet up, which is a big thumbs up, and suggested a cool spot that I'd been wanting to try. The date was pleasant enough - the conversation flowed, we laughed, the food and wine were great. I might have considered going out with him again, though I wasn't really attracted to him, but (oh yes, there's a but), a few comments he made guaranteed that wasn't going to happen. I have three pieces of advice for him:
1 - Don't mention, within the first, oh let's say 7 minutes of the date, that your Vegas plans for your buddy's birthday this weekend are gonna involve "the whole stripper thing." Even if it's just so you can talk about how you're not into that whole plastic look. I honestly couldn't care less if you go to a strip club, but bringing it up that early? Why'd ya think that was a good idea?
2 - Don't say that you could never date an introvert because you would "fucking dominate" them. Um, are you kidding? I don't even know what to make of that.
3 - Don't mention that if you get drunk enough you might want to try the absinthe flight offered at the restaurant. You drove to the date. Drinking + driving is a huge deal breaker for me.
Bonus: Don't act so shocked when I say that I've been single for 3 years. I'd rather be single than be with the wrong person. Wouldn't you?
I actually mentioned the idea that I was going to start this site, so I hope he doesn't remember the URL. If he does, oh well. Hopefully he won't be too offended. He informed me that there were plenty of these sites out there, and I said that they couldn't be that good if I hadn't heard of them before. He did leave me with one hilarious tale from his past bad blind dates, though. He met a woman on JDate in New York, and they had a good, normal phone conversation and planned to meet up at a bar. She called a little before their date and said she'd been working from home all day, and would he mind meeting her in the upper East Side? No problem, he said, and headed over to what turned out to be her apartment. Inside he found the messiest apartment he'd ever seen (at this point I pondered why she would invite him over if her place was in such a state, but concluded that she must be totally out of touch with reality, which he said was a very astute observation), and a tape recorder. Turns out, she claimed to run the most prestigious Jewish dating site in NY (me: why is she on JDate then? To check out the competition?), was writing a book, and often tape-recorded her dates. She offered to let him listen in to some of them, which he says were quite boring, and then excused herself to go to the bathroom, emerging wearing a cop uniform (!), complete with handcuffs. At this point, he says, he was clearly not interested in dating her, but was curious to see where the night would go (again, why would he mention this? Though he said he just wanted to have a story to tell... mmhmm). He says he finally decided to remove himself from the situation, and she literally screamed down the hallway at him as he was leaving, "my daddy's very wealthy! He'll buy the ring!" Yikes. Ok, good story. Don't know if I would have shared it on a first date, but it was funny.
I got a text from him later that night that'd he'd had a good time and hoped to see me again. Very flattering, but this one's definitely not a match.
1 - Don't mention, within the first, oh let's say 7 minutes of the date, that your Vegas plans for your buddy's birthday this weekend are gonna involve "the whole stripper thing." Even if it's just so you can talk about how you're not into that whole plastic look. I honestly couldn't care less if you go to a strip club, but bringing it up that early? Why'd ya think that was a good idea?
2 - Don't say that you could never date an introvert because you would "fucking dominate" them. Um, are you kidding? I don't even know what to make of that.
3 - Don't mention that if you get drunk enough you might want to try the absinthe flight offered at the restaurant. You drove to the date. Drinking + driving is a huge deal breaker for me.
Bonus: Don't act so shocked when I say that I've been single for 3 years. I'd rather be single than be with the wrong person. Wouldn't you?
I actually mentioned the idea that I was going to start this site, so I hope he doesn't remember the URL. If he does, oh well. Hopefully he won't be too offended. He informed me that there were plenty of these sites out there, and I said that they couldn't be that good if I hadn't heard of them before. He did leave me with one hilarious tale from his past bad blind dates, though. He met a woman on JDate in New York, and they had a good, normal phone conversation and planned to meet up at a bar. She called a little before their date and said she'd been working from home all day, and would he mind meeting her in the upper East Side? No problem, he said, and headed over to what turned out to be her apartment. Inside he found the messiest apartment he'd ever seen (at this point I pondered why she would invite him over if her place was in such a state, but concluded that she must be totally out of touch with reality, which he said was a very astute observation), and a tape recorder. Turns out, she claimed to run the most prestigious Jewish dating site in NY (me: why is she on JDate then? To check out the competition?), was writing a book, and often tape-recorded her dates. She offered to let him listen in to some of them, which he says were quite boring, and then excused herself to go to the bathroom, emerging wearing a cop uniform (!), complete with handcuffs. At this point, he says, he was clearly not interested in dating her, but was curious to see where the night would go (again, why would he mention this? Though he said he just wanted to have a story to tell... mmhmm). He says he finally decided to remove himself from the situation, and she literally screamed down the hallway at him as he was leaving, "my daddy's very wealthy! He'll buy the ring!" Yikes. Ok, good story. Don't know if I would have shared it on a first date, but it was funny.
I got a text from him later that night that'd he'd had a good time and hoped to see me again. Very flattering, but this one's definitely not a match.
Bad Blind Date!
The guy with the horribly embarrassing laugh. The guy who brags that his nickname is "Donkey Punch." The guy who lies about his height and actually turns out to be... a little person. Everyone who's ventured into the world of online dating has experienced a few duds, but the least we can do is laugh about it with our friends and move on to the next! You've got to turn-the-cheek and avoid kissing a lot of frogs before you meet a prince, right?
We've all been there. You wink at or send an email to a decent-looking guy or girl, exchange some witty banter over email, talk on the phone, and then, trying to be optimistic but not get your hopes up too high, finally meet in person. And that's where it all starts to go horribly wrong.
I've had a handful of these oh-my-god-this-is-bad-but-at-least-it'll-make-a-great-story dates, and my friends have had even more. So begins the Bad Blind Date blog. I'll be updating regularly with our past bad blind dates, and I'd love to hear about yours, too!
With several dates lined up in the near future, I may have even more to share, but cross your fingers that I don't!
We've all been there. You wink at or send an email to a decent-looking guy or girl, exchange some witty banter over email, talk on the phone, and then, trying to be optimistic but not get your hopes up too high, finally meet in person. And that's where it all starts to go horribly wrong.
I've had a handful of these oh-my-god-this-is-bad-but-at-least-it'll-make-a-great-story dates, and my friends have had even more. So begins the Bad Blind Date blog. I'll be updating regularly with our past bad blind dates, and I'd love to hear about yours, too!
With several dates lined up in the near future, I may have even more to share, but cross your fingers that I don't!
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