A Good Date?

Just a teaser until I get around to writing a real post, but I had a pretty good date Thursday night and just got an email from him! Kind of makes up for the awkward breakfast date I had this morning (with another guy - I just realized that could sound kind of bad if I didn't clarify!). To be continued soon...

Three Strikes And You're Out

Ok, so I decided I wasn't going to contact Z, but I'd see what he had to say if he emailed or called. But in my mind, the date was off. On Monday, I get this email from him:

Well the good news is I won't have to feel envious tonight watching on TV a bunch a drunk and rambunctious college students in Westwood or Chapel Hill having a good time and destroying property. Of course, I may see this happening in Memphis or Kansas, but that won't elicit the same feelings.

Hope you felt refreshed Saturday morning after not meeting up with me!

Z

I write back:

Yeah, it was such a bummer about the game. :(

Um, did you call me at 2 am on Saturday?

Obviously, I'm just over it at this point. I mean, really. His response:

Yeah, i must have. sorry about that. were you awake or asleep? i have a new phone and i forgot to lock my keypad, so some of the buttons got pressed while I was driving. I still haven't put a lot of phone numbers in the phonebook, and your number is one of them, which is probably why you had the fortune of getting an unintended 2am phone call. Lucky you!

did you hear anything in the background? like people talking? I don't think i said anything too incriminating.

My friends love the fact that he's like, oh yeah, sorry about that, and seems to be more concerned with the fact that I might have heard something incriminating! Ha. I didn't write back, but decided if he called or emailed, I'd go out with him... just for material for the blog! Wednesday night, I get this email:

Hey Janet-
So if you're still down, I definitely want to meet up. My flight leaves out of SFO 10:40, so I can leave at 9:30 to get to the airport at 10pm.

Do you want to meet at the [cute wine bar] at 7:30, drink some wine, eat some tapas, and then I can make a mad dash for BART?

email me at wok after tonight-

I had to resist the urge to make some kind of wok joke. Dude. Proofread. Also, side note: do I really want to date someone who leaves that little time to get to the airport? That is so not me. Anyway, I wrote back that 7:30 sounded good, and he said he'd see me there. I left work at a decent time, skipped the gym (though I might not have gone anyway, as I was exhausted from a run this morning and an awesome kickboxing class Wed night!), came home and ate a few little snacks to tide me over, because I know this wine bar only has cheese and no real tapas. I'm totally exhausted, but trying to rally. I start straightening my hair when my phone rings. You've got to be kidding me, I think. No voice mail for quite awhile, but finally one pops through. You can see where this is going. Long, rambling message about how his flight was cancelled, and they put him on at 8:30 flight, so he had to cancel. He said to call him and let him know that I got the message, that he hoped it didn't mess up my plans (uh, duh) and that he'd call me when he gets back. No, thank you! That is so his 3rd strike. I honestly almost wanted to say, dude, I was only going out with you at this point to make fun of you on my blog. I'm relieved, once again, to not go out with him, because I'm exhausted and now I can stay in, but seriously. What a tool. I'm not even mad, just like, really, dude? No wonder you're single (though obviously I'm single, too, but that's totally different, ha). What girl would really still want to go out with him after all this? The only thing I'm annoyed about is that I flat-ironed my hair and ate a few snacks, so I'm in that weird in-between do I eat dinner, do I not eat dinner state! What a waste. Would it be too bitchy to text him, "got your message. don't worry about rescheduling." Ah, what do I care if it's too bitchy? ;)

On Second Thought...

Maybe I should have been bitchy.

Z called me last night. Twice. At 2:03 and 2:04 am. No message. Yeah, not sure I'm going to be going on that date with him this week. I was hoping it was going to be P (they have the same non-SF area code), so I could laugh and be like, yeah, I was right about that one. Oh, well! I have a date with "M" tonight, so think good thoughts for me!

A's Crappy Date

Ok, so this isn't strictly a blind date, but it's a great story. My good friend A, who I've known since I was 19 and she was 18 (whoa, does time fly!) sent me this gem.

"i went out with a guy for a re-try date after a year had passed and i had originally broken things off with him. we were walking on the beach and a seagull laid a massive turd on my head. it was gross with pieces of seaweed and algae in it and he had to help me wash it out in the venice beach bathroom sinks which were also real nasty. i was mortified! i never heard back from him after that. but all he kept saying after it happened was that it is supposed to be good luck to have a bird poop on your head."

Tres embarrassing! Thankfully, her luck in love has significantly improved and she is now engaged to a great guy, who she met online no less! They're getting "Maui'd" this August - yay for an online success story!

I Could Be Bitchy About This Or...

Had a date scheduled for tonight with Z (gee, can you possibly guess what his real name is?) at 9pm. Well, originally it was 8pm, but he emailed last night and asked if we could move it to 9, since he had to work late. On a Friday? Sucks for him, but it was fine with me, since he lives in the East Bay, but was totally willing to come out to SF and seemed really flexible about where to meet. I offered to do some research since he doesn't live in town, and after an email exchange this afternoon, I sent another one at 2:15 throwing out a few places to meet. Never heard back, but I expected I'd get a call from him to figure out where we were gonna meet.

8 rolls around. No call, no email.

Finally, at 8:37, I get this email:

"well, this is problematic.... I dont have your cell phone number! It didn't occur to me to write it down before I left work and I cant access my work email account... so... call me if you get this email in time!"

I debated responding, but decided to hold off for a bit. It was like 20 minutes before we were supposed to meet, so I very well could have made other plans. Obviously I hadn't, because to be honest, I'm exhausted and was actually excited to hang around the house, finish making cookies for a party tomorrow, and get to bed early so I could work out in the morning! Exciting Friday night, huh? I actually love staying in, though.

At 9:11, I get this email from him:
sorry if there was miscommunication. I didnt have time to reply to the last message you sent to my work email address, and we didnt have concrete plans, so i've just been waiting for you to call or email me because I was too stupid to write down your cell # before i left work. I'm going to ny again for 4 days next thurs-tuesday so hpefully we can hang out before then!

Note: he clearly doesn't proofread.

I debated whether I should email him tonight or in the morning, but I decided, you know what, I'm just gonna call him. So I did, at 9:38. Got voice mail. I said, nicely, hey, just got your emails, now you have my number.

Ok, I was going to originally say that I was debating emailing back and saying "well, I thought our plans were concrete to meet at 9, but I guess you just mean since we didn't pick a place." But then I thought, what good is going to come out of being bitchy or having the last word? Which is why I decided to call instead of email. He just called back. He was nice. Very enthusiastic, and seems to almost slip into a Southern Accent occasionally (he's from LA but went to grad school in the South, and I think he was born there). We rescheduled for this coming Thursday - he's got a red-eye later that night, so the date won't be too long, which is good. I like having an out... even if it's a good date. Details to come!

The Date That Never Happened

This one (we'll call him Y. Why? Because I like you) was from Match, and though I don't think he realized it, we had chatted the last time I was signed up on the site, about a year before. I started over with a new user name and pictures, so I don't know if he noticed. I can't remember why we didn't meet up that time, but I think it might have had to do with the fact that he lived pretty far south of where I did, though by now he had moved up to the City.

So, we emailed back and forth a few times, and then my subscription expired, and I hadn't gotten his last email. I had actually tried to renew my membership, but the Match sign-up form wouldn't work for a few days there (good work, guys!), so I gave up. He actually managed to find me on Facebook and contact me there - a little weird, maybe, but I didn't think it was too big of a deal. I finally gave him my number and he called me earlier this week.

From the beginning of the conversation, I could tell I was going to be annoyed with him, but I was really trying to keep an open mind! At the advice of my good friend D (one of my only male friends!), I've been trying to have the attitude that I should meet or go on a second date with anyone who isn't an absolute, total "no" from the beginning. Y's voice was a bit nasally, but hey, it's just the phone and you never know what someone will be like in person. The conversation was decent at first - he was debating going to bed at 9:30, which I said was a luxury and he thought was too nerdy, and I was talking about my day and how it had involved a lot of TiVo and Scrabulous. He says, "ok, two questions. First, how are you at Scrabulous?" "Not that good, but I'm getting better," I say, explaining that I hadn't really played Scrabble before, and that the logistics of figuring out the best possible word combination wasn't my best skill. "How are you?" I asked, and he says, "I'm really good." Just the way he said it... I can't really explain it. I'm silent, and he stammers to fill the space. "Well... I mean, I just know a lot of random words! Like I laid down [random ass word A] and [random word B] today." "You thought going to bed at 9:30 was too nerdy, and now you're trying to impress me with your Scrabulous words?" I tease. At one point I tell him, "you can't see me right now, but I'm rolling my eyes at you." But at this point it's playful teasing, and all in good fun.

Then, somehow, we start talking about musical theater. Don't ask me how - you know when you're kind of nervous and just talking about whatever pops into your head, you sometimes take a step back, and go, what the heck am I talking about? Ah, I'll just go with it. Totally one of those moments. I start saying how the musical theater personality is so not my thing and he is agreeing with me until I say that it's cheesy. "Well, I wouldn't say that, since I've done quite a bit of musical theater in the past," he says.

Deal broken. I cannot go out with a guy who has done musical theater.

But, heeding D's advice, I decide to still give it a chance. Why not? There's nothing to lose, besides being a little annoyed. Y asks where I live, and I tell him my cross streets. "F&W, as in the center of violent crime in SF?" he asks. "Um, not really," I say. "No really," he insists, "I always hear gunfire there! And my car always gets broken into when I park over there." Then don't leave stuff in your car, dumbass, I think, but don't say. "Well, I have underground parking and I feel pretty safe here!" "No, really, look it up on the SFPD website! You can track crime in SF and see what kinds occur on your block." Great, sounds really temping.

I attempt to change the subject, but finally just say, as lightheartedly as possible, "well, ok, now that we've both equally offended each other about our musical theater backgrounds and violent neighborhoods, should we just meet in person?" "Did I really offend you," he asks, incredulous. No, I think, who doesn't love hearing about how violent and sketchy their neighborhood is?! Especially from someone who lives about SIX blocks away. "Maybe a little," I say, "but no big deal." I agree to email him to arrange a time to meet up that upcoming weekend. I spend part of the next day trying to convince myself that I should still go out with him, but you know what? I'm not going to. I know myself, and I'm going to be annoyed, so I really don't think it's worth it. He did email me the next day and apologize for offending me, but I haven't written back. I know that's rude and a total cop-out (and feel free to comment if you think I owe him an email), but I guess I don't see the point. What do you all think?

How Not to JDate

Last night I went out with a guy I'll call P. We met on JDate, exchanged a few funny emails, and had a good phone conversation. He offered to come to my neighborhood to meet up, which is a big thumbs up, and suggested a cool spot that I'd been wanting to try. The date was pleasant enough - the conversation flowed, we laughed, the food and wine were great. I might have considered going out with him again, though I wasn't really attracted to him, but (oh yes, there's a but), a few comments he made guaranteed that wasn't going to happen. I have three pieces of advice for him:

1 - Don't mention, within the first, oh let's say 7 minutes of the date, that your Vegas plans for your buddy's birthday this weekend are gonna involve "the whole stripper thing." Even if it's just so you can talk about how you're not into that whole plastic look. I honestly couldn't care less if you go to a strip club, but bringing it up that early? Why'd ya think that was a good idea?

2 - Don't say that you could never date an introvert because you would "fucking dominate" them. Um, are you kidding? I don't even know what to make of that.

3 - Don't mention that if you get drunk enough you might want to try the absinthe flight offered at the restaurant. You drove to the date. Drinking + driving is a huge deal breaker for me.

Bonus: Don't act so shocked when I say that I've been single for 3 years. I'd rather be single than be with the wrong person. Wouldn't you?

I actually mentioned the idea that I was going to start this site, so I hope he doesn't remember the URL. If he does, oh well. Hopefully he won't be too offended. He informed me that there were plenty of these sites out there, and I said that they couldn't be that good if I hadn't heard of them before. He did leave me with one hilarious tale from his past bad blind dates, though. He met a woman on JDate in New York, and they had a good, normal phone conversation and planned to meet up at a bar. She called a little before their date and said she'd been working from home all day, and would he mind meeting her in the upper East Side? No problem, he said, and headed over to what turned out to be her apartment. Inside he found the messiest apartment he'd ever seen (at this point I pondered why she would invite him over if her place was in such a state, but concluded that she must be totally out of touch with reality, which he said was a very astute observation), and a tape recorder. Turns out, she claimed to run the most prestigious Jewish dating site in NY (me: why is she on JDate then? To check out the competition?), was writing a book, and often tape-recorded her dates. She offered to let him listen in to some of them, which he says were quite boring, and then excused herself to go to the bathroom, emerging wearing a cop uniform (!), complete with handcuffs. At this point, he says, he was clearly not interested in dating her, but was curious to see where the night would go (again, why would he mention this? Though he said he just wanted to have a story to tell... mmhmm). He says he finally decided to remove himself from the situation, and she literally screamed down the hallway at him as he was leaving, "my daddy's very wealthy! He'll buy the ring!" Yikes. Ok, good story. Don't know if I would have shared it on a first date, but it was funny.

I got a text from him later that night that'd he'd had a good time and hoped to see me again. Very flattering, but this one's definitely not a match.

Bad Blind Date!

The guy with the horribly embarrassing laugh. The guy who brags that his nickname is "Donkey Punch." The guy who lies about his height and actually turns out to be... a little person. Everyone who's ventured into the world of online dating has experienced a few duds, but the least we can do is laugh about it with our friends and move on to the next! You've got to turn-the-cheek and avoid kissing a lot of frogs before you meet a prince, right?

We've all been there. You wink at or send an email to a decent-looking guy or girl, exchange some witty banter over email, talk on the phone, and then, trying to be optimistic but not get your hopes up too high, finally meet in person. And that's where it all starts to go horribly wrong.

I've had a handful of these oh-my-god-this-is-bad-but-at-least-it'll-make-a-great-story dates, and my friends have had even more. So begins the Bad Blind Date blog. I'll be updating regularly with our past bad blind dates, and I'd love to hear about yours, too!

With several dates lined up in the near future, I may have even more to share, but cross your fingers that I don't!